You, yes you are the only one holding yourself back.
Observing my own life and that of my clients I have come to believe the above statement more and more. Often we justify and explain why our life isn’t the way it should be or just get stuck in the vagueness of our situation. This in turn causes discomfort and fear as we propagate the chaos and continue in the vagueness.
This has come as a bit of a revelation to me as I’ve lived for some time from this place. Now having awareness of it I can see clearly. Vagueness and not having clarity robs you of your life. Then you are left with more reasons to feel bad about yourself. Commit to take full responsibility for your life to date, take action and back yourself 100%.
Research has shown happiness increases productivity and makes you more successful. Therefore trying to change from a place of berating yourself and negativity is counterproductive. So instead commit to things that bring you joy and if there’s a grey area in your life seek out the truth behind it and get honest.
Also surrounding yourself with people that inspire you is far less taxing on you and supports you to actually do what you want to be doing.
Getting your needs met
In order to get our needs met it is essential to set boundaries. These are limits that define acceptable behaviour from those around us. They are essential in both our personal and professional life and in the past I have experienced the pain of not setting and maintaining a clear boundary with others.
We need boundaries because:
- They help us set limits that enhances our ability to have a sense of our reality, and to control the impact of incoming actions on ourselves and others.
- They are invisible dividing lines between what you will and won’t accept, tolerate, believe or do.
- They define your values, tolerances, and preferences.
- The type of boundary you set depends on context – i.e. the type of relationship you have with the other person and whether it is a personal or personal relationship.
Boundaries are essential because:
- They have positive effects on relationships – i.e. help with building trust, maintaining security.
- Determine what experiences you select or avoid
- Help with sense of self and self worth
- Define your identity as a unique person
- Regulate your emotional and physical security
- Boundaries regulate the emotional distance or closeness between you and others
Boundaries exist because you have ongoing needs i.e. emotional, spiritual, or physical. I work with clients who have a limited understanding of boundaries and the negative affects they are having in their relationships. An example of this is when we want to get our needs met, but fail to ask or be clear about what those needs are. Frustration and sadness can set in as we become more disillusioned as nothing is changing.
You can be selective of incoming information and protect yourself from stress or hurt. You can do this by saying to yourself that what you are hearing, the other person is responsible for creating. When you are speaking with someone, as you share your thoughts and feelings, you have created what you are saying and feeling. Therefore endeavour to gain clarity about what you want and then convey it in a way that is clear and concise.
Through workshops and coaching with Lisa, you begin to understand healthy boundaries and how rigid or enmeshed boundaries may be adversely affecting you.